All posts by BoymeetsZelda

You Go Around and Around

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Talking to the point of exhaustion.
Not understanding why you’re not listening.
It makes no sense these voices that are erecting a wall around me.
Why won’t you just let me be free?

This dance is one that takes it slow.
But when it does move fast, I am swept underneath the current.
A two step kind of night.
Where the sky meets the sea in chaotic harmony.

Voices in my head try to pull me away.
They try to confuse me into believing all of them.
Yet, I crave to hear only one voice.
A voice of hope, one that can cut through the darkness.

You’re still not listening to me.
You go around and around.
Playing Marco Polo with my emotions.
Entering into a rhythmic bustle that is busier than being alone.

These voices in my head tell me many things.
They contradict one another.
And they understand that they can win.
They know if I stop, they will take control.

But the truth is I will never stop hoping.
The voice I crave will come.
This test is going to end some day.
If it doesn’t then my whole belief is false.

But the voice has saved me before.
It has shown me love.
For the sword cuts deep, and pursues more than my brain.
It goes and penetrates my heart.

I am made clean every day.
I have a new shot every time I open my eyes.
A rebirth and a second chance.
Continually I fall to my knees and decide to breathe.

So listen to me.
Listen to my words.
Take this to heart.
You will not control me.

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Look Up North

“Cause we never learned to keep our voices down. No, we only learned to shout. So we fight our way in, we fight our way out.” ~Dashboard Confessional

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Our hearts are deciding that the weather is the source of sanity.
A moment suspended in time where getting out of bed is harder than quantum mechanics.
The bed grips us and doesn’t want to let go.
Longing for the sun and longing for a strength to open our eyes today.

A God who has the strength to change this position.
A hope that is carried on the backs of those that have fallen before us.
Equal parts sanity and insecurity determine moods during these days.
Masking the pain we feel with happiness and short sighted  fixes.

Just know to fight.
Fight for your joy, fight for your hope.
Don’t ever let go of the person that God made you to be.
A fight against the wave that comes and knocks you down to your knees.

As one of my favorite songs says, “Everybody gets high, everybody gets low.”
Pick yourself up and know you are worth more than your mind will say.
But remember sometimes it is okay to be alone.
And when those times come don’t go into yourself, look up north.

A prayer for the depressed.
A prayer for the crippling effects of anxiety.
We will fight together; we will win.
Take a hand and raise your fist.
We will win this war.

“Everybody gets high, everybody gets low.” ~Beartooth

Daily Target Practive

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I believe in a love greater than myself.
One that passes all understanding.
It cuts deep and reveals truth.
It shines a light upon my successes and failures.

A Spirit comes to defend my mind.
A hope that has decided to love me despite my doubts.
It moves through my body and soul.
And guides my words when I am in need.

Anxiety is a way of life.
One that has gripped me for years.
But one that I can overcome,
By the love that gives me peace when my head is fighting.

A glance to the left as I hear a bang.
Target practice on my heart takes place daily.
Love protects it, even when it hurts.
Love is there even when nothing seems to be going right.

So what do we do when the tides are coming to overtake?
When the water floods our supports?
We take heart and rely on Love.
We rely on the truth the Spirit has brought upon our lives.

For peace can come even in the storm.
It brings joy when no joy should be found.
Our supports get rebuilt, and then the sun comes back.
And we pray and thank God for another day.

Hidden Sunny Demeanor

 

“You lose control when you hold too tight, and turn your head long enough to let it bite. ‘Cause faith left me staring at the ceiling through the night. It’s freaking me out.” ~Copeland

Child Torn Box Girl Eye Hiding Young Boy HoleLightning striking twice.
The tide rolling towards the Midwest.
Tornadoes on the coast.
And fires taking flight in the clouds.

An upside down way of thinking.
A class 2 comet approaching my brain.
Driving home the point that I am better than the parts that have been given to me.
And the through lines that exist exaggerate the need to make sure I make it through the day.

Hello, equal parts water and soul.
A skin and bones kind of problem.
Or maybe it is a dilemma?
Whatever it is, I’ve decided to pray above it.

The wind is picking up.
The howling overtaking my ears.
The need to get up and leave takes over.
And if I come back I hope that the screaming dissipates.

When I can’t figure out the solution and the frustration clouds my judgement,
I decide it is better to fight with anger than with rationale.
Of course that is not the course of action that pleases my biggest fans.
And it surely doesn’t please the Love that has given me the reason to be alive.

I need to accept I can’t be good at everything.
Or even accept that maybe there is something that I actually do well.
Whatever it is, I pray to grasp onto it,
Before the storms go haywire and my head implodes upon this desolate Earth.

The howling takes its toll and then maybe peace will come.
Remember Matt, they like you for you.
Don’t become someone you are not because you don’t feel good enough.
Feelings are fickle and love is a choice, not an over dramatic feeling fueled by Hollywood cameras.

Lightning striking twice.
The tide rolling towards the Midwest.
Tornadoes on the coast.
And fires taking flight to the clouds.

What a ride we’ve been on.
Diving into the clouds, and flying in the ocean.
I am on my knees praying for more than good relationships.
I’m praying that the one relationship that truly matters is strengthened.
For He is what supplies my hidden sunny demeanor.

What is in a Smile?

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There is something going on.
There is a muscle in my cheek that hurts.
I keep on smiling for no apparent reason,
But the problem is that I know exactly why.

My beaming comes and doesn’t end.
A simple hello, a song on the radio.
My head tuning into an emotion that isn’t recognized by my cheeks.
Thank God for the expression spreading across my face; with the hope that it brings.

I’m not used to this feeling.
A sparkle of sunlight hitting the edges of my lips.
Cracking open a smile that spreads to my chest.
Washing away the frost that usually makes its home on my heart.

Because I never learned how to sustain this feeling.
The one that says its okay to be happy.
Always hoping the day would come where I could look for the other side.
Where God shines down and I realize where the truth lies.

I have a  giddy look upon my face.
I look like a child entering into a candy store for the first time.
The colors spreading beyond the inner child.
Exposing the faults that have been lingering for a while now.

A simple phone call.
A text that is unexpected.
I can’t stop smiling.
A simple thought about a certain thing brings on this disease.

A disease that I never wish to be rid of.
One that is brought on by thankfulness.
One that is given through grace, hope, and a simple hello.
“Hey.” Is all that needs to be said.
And I answer that with a muscle that is not used to being used.

There is something going on.
There is a muscle in my cheek that hurts.
I keep on smiling for no apparent reason,
But the problem is that I know exactly why.

And I gotta say, I’m damn sure I never want it to end.

Placemats and Doormats

 

Placemats and Doormats

“The city he wakes up in is never the same. It gets hard to count the days with only stars to lead the way, and in his heart of gold he knows this has to change. ”
~Asking Alexandria

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Placemats and doormats placed before the exits and entrances of experiences.
Feeding to allow more, or feeding to live.
Before we exit do we even enter, or wipe our feet?
Should we take off our shoes, or is it rude to leave them on?

To be present in the situation.
To know that more and more people don’t even consider what the host desires.
Entering into conversations before realizing they are talking to themselves.
And then the crowd goes silent as you realize you are in the wrong house.

Are you sure paying attention is your strong suite?
Is it a hobby that you claim and let it sit by the wayside?
Do you practice what you preach?
Or do you enter into homes and dirty up the placemats eating someone else’s food?

We move forward without taking the time to understand where we are going.
The door mat is squeaky clean because we always forget to wipe our shoes.
An action that comes after hearing half baked truths and eating half baked apple pie.
Getting sick from under cooked  information that said 3 hours on medium and you cooked 1 hour on high.

These experience should be used to teach and to learn.
Yet we only regurgitate information that we heard from our cousins second son’s best friend.
When we decided that doing our own research was just too hard.
A long history of bad choices and taking the easy way out.

But here we are, shoes dirty and still not realizing this house is wrong.
We are never slowing down to listen and belong.
We are forgetting to take action when the information is strong.
And we somehow don’t understand why everything is going, oh so very wrong.

Entropy and Brotherly Love

Instead of showing me the edge of the Earth, I wish to see the edge of reality.
A swirling expanse that develops all of me.
Where time ceases to exist.
And I am one with the Love that created the worlds.

A take on the way we think of creation and life.
A swordsman fighting for his way in the world.
A mirror being held in front of two faces.
And the archer taking a shot at the hearts that determine my failures.

I want more than a modern prophecy.
I want an answer that reflects the steps being made.
A look to my left reveals the condescending nature of man.
While the right shows me nothing more than a failure.

Entropy and brotherly love.
Meshing together, then of course breaking apart.
Divine inspiration being made by fire and sparklers.
Like a Fourth of July introducing depression and relief at the same time.

Take heart young ones.
We look for stars more than moons.
Celestial prisons that say our metaphors end happy.
Someone young at heart is an old soul who loves.
One that knows that they are worth more than what Sally Sue says will come his way.

Instead of showing me the edge of the Earth, I wish to see the edge of reality.
A swirling expanse that develops all of me.
A road that is paved by hopes and of course dreams.
Where time ceases to exist.
And I am one with the Love that created the worlds.

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