Tag Archives: love

Slow Down and Take a Deep Breath

“Future gardens from all this rain
Future flowers from present pain
We’re bound together and our lives are bound to change
You don’t know how beautiful you are. ”     ~Jon Foreman

Slow Down!

Activating prior knowledge to understand the things running in your head.
Damaging the psyche of your soul,
By displaying negative thoughts throughout your heart.
And despising what is underneath because you feel it is not good enough.

It’s interesting to point out that you make a mistake and then fix it,
But for some reason it just takes you back to a mistake further in your past.
I wish that you can overcome the mistakes that plague you,
To move forward and realize you are worth more than you know.

Take it into account that we are all human and are far from perfect.
We make mistakes and we pass it onto ourselves.
Time and time again we learn to answer questions we already know the answers, too.
But lessons that good, deserve to be learned time and time again.

Slow down and take a breath.
Put into perspective what is happening and what you are worth.
Don’t let your failures persuade you from who you really are.
Slow down and take a breath.
And remember that you have so many around you who care more than you know.

Today is my Birthday

“You say I’m a loser in the background. I can never seem to get it right, but I’m learning my worth is more than your word.” ~Beartooth

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Today is my birthday and I am a bit different than the others around me.
My mentality is a bit stricken when in the presence of people.
A comfortable state that doesn’t come naturally to me.
Like stumbling over words around those that used to care.

On the outside looking in for most of my days,
But I am okay with it now,
But for a time it was all that I could do not to scream at me being me.
As for the now who knows if I have truly moved on?

Insecure and walking through crowds that decide if I am being social enough.
I never felt like gravitating towards a specific side.
Rather longing for long stretches of imagining just who I am.
And failing enough times to last a couple lifetimes.

Failure is not over, I am sure.
For in life you fail.
How you get back up is what truly defines you.
How you act in the face of success could be a bit more telling.

I just wonder if I will one day find out for myself if that is true.
I’ll take my little victories and insecurities.
My typecast role that I fight against.
Or the face that is beautiful but is so far away, even if it is right next to me.

For the meaning of me is the meaning of hope.
A rise to the bottom wondering if I will ever get to the top.
My soul crying out for water that means more than any human soul.
Let me dry out my hands while reaching out.

Today is my birthday, and what do I have to say?
Should I tell of great accomplishments, or just go on with my day.
Should I tell of my angst that still presides since I was 16?
Today is my birthday, and I think I may be worth more than what my mind tells me.

I am a person that justifies myself by a wandering eye.
A hand that I use to reach high and employ to cry out to the other side.
A hand held out to anyone who needs what I wish to have.
And a person I long to be.

For today is my birthday,
And I guess it is a reflective type of day.
My hope anchored in my heart of hearts.
Knowing I have a long road to go.
Knowing that I have those around that remind me that I am not always alone.

She’s in Love with Chaos

“She was a wreck. but he loved her. She was a wreck, but so was he.” ~Copeland

 

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It looks like a heartache waiting to happen.
When the phone hits the floor and she is left alone.
The other line dead and the voice has stopped.
And the drumming from her head is working harder than her heart.

She’s in love with chaos.
The ups and the downs.
The lefts that are actually rights, her mind begging to be found.
She’s in love with chaos.
The unknown, is the start of her disorganization alone.

Picking up the pieces and moving one.
Going from one phone to another waiting to belong.
Not trying to hard to sing a better song.
All she does is wait for heartache, to become her white and black swan.

She’s in love with chaos.
The deaf tones of awkward lies.
The messed up deliveries of sought after lines.
She’s in love with chaos.
With her mind, taking deep breaths and taking names that she must find.

Sectioned off and in the crowd.
Determined for more than a sour sound.
But not giving it enough effort or follow through.
The choice is hers, even though she’ll never limit herself to a few.

She’s in love with chaos.
The ups and the downs.
The lefts that are actually rights, marked with hearts waiting to be found.
She’s in love with chaos.
Heartbreak brought on, by late night phone calls and luck based falls.

She’s in love with chaos.
And the Lord knows…
That one day maybe her eyes will see the light being shown.
She’s in love with chaos and the rest.
For one moment she breaks and finally passes a test.

The Mask Family

“I gave my everything for all the wrong things. In this cold reality I made this selfish war machine.” ~Coheed and Cambria

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She stumbles tonight.
Clinging onto the stench of sidewalk stories and bitter determination.
Travelling a block is too much to ask.
And the regret is already sinking in.

Ms. Blue Mask, you are loved. 

She didn’t mean to do this.
It was never her intention.
But the pain was too much and her head and heart did not connect.
A stone that was turned and then tossed aside for something worse.

You are loved.

His eyes glaze over and the emotion takes him from the inside.
A pent up anger lurching out.
His hand now bloodied, his shirt stained.
Brick one and he is left with zero.

Mr. Red Mask, you are loved. 

His hope was diminished.
It went out the window just like the other.
Regret that he did it first.
Giving into the world that has so many beautiful traps.

You are loved.

The lake sprawled out in front of them.
The waters edge a welcoming distraction from the world.
A slip and a fall.
Accidental of course, but the sign was broken.

Mr. and Ms.Green Masks, you are loved. 

The lake is distant, and the void was never filled.
They reach for a different set of hands.
The numb directing the physical.
Reaching for an answer in a myriad of places.

You are loved.

Limp wrist and a painting that is all his own.
The instrument fallen to the floor after he was satisfied.
Closing his eyes to breathe in the moment.
A scream and a stutter at the door.

Mr. Black Mask, you are loved. 

Awake in his sterile room.
Having discussion  after discussion. 
He asks, “Why, won’t these people ever wear anything other than white?” 
Is his head clear yet?

You are loved.

A plethora of stories.
Failures and understatements litter the air.
All coming together to form a singular truth.
That you are loved, despite…

A mixture of color and depth of view.
Tears that loosen the tongue.
As people fall to their knees to repent and pray.
A performance that even the Oscars can’t deny multiple awards.

But there is love shrouded behind your shadow.
Longing to wrap you up.
Wanting you to let go of pride and self loathing.
For you are loved.
Because this love will never deny.

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The Dream that Never Ends

“There is a part in everyday, where I lie to myself and say that it’s okay. ‘Cause if I don’t I think I’ll go insane, but the truth is I only have myself to blame.” ~The Spill Canvas

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I pinch myself to wake up from the dream that I have been dreaming every night and throughout the day.
The one that tells me that I may not be okay.
It is a dream where the protagonist is the antagonist, and the answer is hidden in another’s dream.
For my own is not sufficient these days.

I never wake up and I never let myself try to turn away.
Sleep is the constant that enters in like a poison.
Or goes down in my personal history as a conquering feat of strength.
The normal is never normal and the strange is a little to normal for my taste.

It takes a step backwards to see the path that I have placed myself.
But that path is  not the one that needs to be traveled upon.
The dream to my right, the one I have no control over is the path of love, by Love.
It answers me in my dreams the one that I never seem to wake up from.

Kindness is one side of a coin that I subscribe to.
Disdain is the other side and I don’t wish to flip the coin over.
I wish to throw it in a fountain making a wish that could turn into a prayer.
I wonder what side will be up when it reaches the bottom of the water?

I don’t mean to come off self loathing, but sometimes that is the only way for me to understand what I am even saying.
I would rather come off as hopeful and decide when I need to create a better persona for myself.
But the dreams that are constant do not let me have this luxury.
Maybe I need to take two steps back instead of one, or I need to realize that God has no desire for me to not like me?

Considering that I deserve nothing, but somehow I am loved speaks volumes.
And when the end is in sight since the day I was born, you would think that motivation to do better would come easy.
Sadly this is not the case.
For when I am down the dream withers and shows me the decay of the day.

I pinch myself to wake up from the dream that I have been dreaming every night and throughout the day.
The one that tells me that I may not be okay.
It is a dream where the protagonist is the antagonist, and the answer is hidden in another’s dream.
For my own is not sufficient these days.

“I’m stuck here wide awake in the wake of bad news. We know now what’s at stake, and I’m scared too. You know I can’t take naps cause they end in panic attacks. I can’t play video games cause I always end up depressed… Most days are bad days. We can’t wait for someone to pull me off of the concrete…I can’t believe I got this weak.” ~The Wonder Years

Always Growing

Count your blessings that you’ve never seen the things the simple things were ours to take. But the questions danced around our innocence and now the innocence is nothing more than faith.                 ~Emery

~Always Growing~

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Articulating a response is harder than you think.
A simple hello turns into a head shake while walking away.
When words jumble in your mouth,
And the lack of coherence starts to fly south.

Growing up can be hard.
Whether you are 16 or 73.
Everyday can be new.
And everyday can teach you how to be you.

A practice known by many.
The lack of anything interesting to say.
When word vomit becomes the norm.
How embarrassing.

A boy walks into the room.
A boy sees.
A boy leaves.
No, man was ever seen.

Growing up can be hard.
Whether you are 16 or 73.
Everyday can be new.
And everyday can teach you how to be you.

Age is now older and things seem to have fallen into place.
A family a wife, and safe grace.
But even in this life a tragedy can strike fast.
And you may fall apart or remember you have won in the past.

Articulating a response can be hard.
Whether it is a crush in front of you or a child asking questions.
The rules of life can be simple.
It is what you do with them that can make a boy into man.

Growing up can be hard.
Whether you are 16 or 73.
Everyday can be new.
And everyday can teach you how to be you.

 

Only Time Will Tell

Time is illusion. Time is a curse. Time is all these things and worse, but our time is now. Let us sing before our time runs out. ~Jon Foreman

Only Time Will Tell

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You had me at, “Hello.”
But I guess that is not really true.
You had me when you walked in.
But once again it might have been before that.

I take steps to ensure that I am me.
I take steps towards a truth that shines through.
And maybe that is what it takes.
To get to a place where you had me before you walked into the door.

Relying on more than personal strength.
Trusting in the truth.
Trusting in love.
Trusting in a life worth living for.

To get to a place where I know the moment is there.
The moment where I find out what it means to meet my mortal forever.
A decision that isn’t made, but found.
You had me before you walked in.

Defining my life based on what was given to me.
Defining my time on what I am involved in.
Striving to be me every moment of the day.
Maybe, just maybe this is what it takes to to be at a place…

A place in my world where you had me before you walked in the door.
A, “Hello” that doesn’t have a, “Goodbye”.
A, “Hello” that changes the course of a heart.
A place where I say, “Hello” back.
A place where I say,”Hello my name is destiny, it is nice to meet you.” 

Is that day coming? 
Only time will tell.