Tag Archives: God

Ring in a New Tune (Part 3 of 3)

It hurts like a tornado ripping through its specified target.
A misfortune of chaos, brightly throwing debris.
It is described as a cleanse.
But it feels like the end in my head.

It hurts like a hurricane tearing through the open coast.
Where locals are still in their boats,
Tourists have to change their plans.
And there is false hope when the eye shows its face.

Once more with feeling.
One more dream opened up and swallowed whole.
Once more with feeling.
When the land is not discernible from the sea.

Take me into the waves.
Take me to the edge of the Earth.
Where I can swim and maybe float.
Take me to the sea, so I may hear your voice in the waves.

Because God it hurts more than trying out self control.
It hurts because I lost your song.
That simple melody that defined me.
A tune unsung for too long.

I decided to fill up the oceans today.
One drop at a time.
One more salty distraction that leaks from my eyes.
I decided that your love is enough.

Because God it hurts more than listening to your voice.
It hurts because I lost your song.
That simple chord of hope.
A tune I have not sought after for some time.

Because God  it is time.
It is time to keep singing, whether I am on tune or not.
Because God I miss your waves.
Tossing and tearing right through me.

I would love to find the song.
Your song.
One with a melody I can follow.
Or one that is chaotic, but true.

And in those moments when the pain is unbearable.
And the hurt is deciding its own course.
There is a whisper that is near.
A voice that cuts through.

A song that is just for me.
One that is a sweet melody.
One that is chaotic and true.
One that is the center of me and you.

Because God it hurts more than the tree in the forest.
The one that tumbles and no one can hear it.
But I have your melody, I have your tune.
For your hope is enough, and your song is love renewed.

 

A Dwelling Place

“My heartbeat, my oxygen, my banner, my home, my future, my song, your hope is the anthem of my soul.” ~Switchfoot

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There is more to now than what is coming next.
Or what happened before the moment.
But we dwell on such things instead of wondering what is happening at this present moment.
Answering the questions of the past to try and determine our futures.

It is not wrong to think ahead, or learn from the past.
I encourage it daily.
The problem is sometimes we put more stock into who we are…
And forget to see where we’re at.

The person I am now is not the same as the one before.
Maybe I grew up, maybe I went backwards.
All I know is I am here and I am alive.
I am holding onto the hope that was placed upon my heart.

When I think to hard about what my mind used to call home,
I reject all the good that has happened since.
I retreat to a mindset that I have no desire to revisit.
I am not that person anymore and I need to leave the past where it belongs.

When I try to see passed the next five minutes, I start to see what I have not done.
“I have failed.” I say.
“Why am I single, why is no one there by my side?”
But God has a plan, and right now is where He wants me to be at.

I put too much stock into what I have not done.
I put too much stock into who I have been.
I should be happy with the now.
Happy with the man God has currently shaped me to be.

Thoughts brought on by reality.
Togetherness equals strength.
Family is more than an emotional crutch.
And hope is the desire of the past to the present, and to the future of all that I will do.

Times of Struggle and Happiness

Philippians 4:6-7 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

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I look to you when I am in the depths.
But for some reason I turn my head when everything is going right.
Why do I deny my precious father when I think I am going so well?
Jesus, I call out to the depths of me.

I call out to thee…

I stretch out my hands in times of need.
But for some reason they are frozen by my side when I believe everything is going right.
Why do I forget to praise you in my time of elation?
Jesus, I call out to the depths of me.

I call out to thee…

Jesus, come and set me free.
Jesus, take this doubt away from me.
In the moments when I feel light headed.
To stretches of happiness.

I call out to thee…

Thank you Lord for understanding.
Because I don’t always understand you.
You are a mystery that decided to love me.
Jesus, come and be my strength.
I call out to thee…

Step One…Choose

“Take me up, seal the door. I don’t want to march here anymore. I realize that this line is dead, so I’ll follow you instead.”  ~Twenty One Pilots

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It begins with an action.
It ends with a thought.
The least of all it could be switched up.
Maybe it would lead to better outcomes.
Quick glances and forgotten smiles pass our lips.
Close and not together.
And the answer could be in either the thought or the action.
Depending on which comes first.
It begins with a smile.
It ends with confusion.
Do we cast ourselves with the net,
Or do we go out and try and swim?
The grandeur that is life is not as big as we think.
It is small and the connections are strong.
And as the start approaches, lives may be changed.
Minds molded by singular events that may not seem noteworthy.
These minuscule events combine into  fleshed out ideas.
These ideas are used for good or for bad.
Maybe there is a gray area thrown in their for kicks and giggles.
But we stand and we fall and we get back up again…most of us.
We could divulge into thoughts with no actions to be seen.
But we are all still in a band.
All of us have a place, but some choose not to play.
And I say, play whether or not it sounds correct.
It is better to play than to sit their wondering if it is okay.
We all need each other.
And even if the awkward is the normal for your life today,
Go forth and play anyway.
A glance and a smile doesn’t seem so bad.
But I will tell you it all comes down to context.
I choose to play the game, the note…
Whether it is correct or not.
I begin everyday with a thought.
While other days it is with an action.
Roll over, open eyes, and continue breathing.
Press forward and pray that God will show you the way.
Step One…choose.

 

Being Afraid of God

“If God is smaller than my fears, then He is not God. But it’s not just with our doubts and fears, it’s with so many other areas of our life as well. We think God can’t handle the truth of who we are so we make Him smaller than He really is.” ~Jon Foreman

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You see, I am a man that is scared of God.
I am terrified of His voice.
I decide it is better to be stranded in the dessert than accept the water.
You see, I am fearful but not out of reverence but genuine fear.

That is not to say I do not revere.
He is my creator, my maker.
He is the one that gives me life and meaning.
Yet when I stare Him in the eye I must look away because I am scared what He has to say.

I am so aware of my own humanity that I forget that I have a man who saved me.
At the same time I never forget His love, I am just frightened that He will stop loving me.
Because I have no understanding of why He loves me so.
I am a lowly man that has more vices than good qualities.

I target my prayers to fix what is broken.
I lock onto a subject and ask for the answer instead of worshiping the man, my Savior.
For He is the reason I keep on trying.
Even when I fail and fall flat on the floor.

I try and I try but my way is not the same.
It is not the same as the One who gave it all.
I told you that this ends now, the anxiety, the hurt, and I meant it,
But right now I finally think I am ready to face my fear.

For God I am terrified of you.
I am scared of your love, of your forgiveness, of your loving-kindness.
I am frightened that a God who has no reason to Love me does.
I am so terrified I, but I am ready to look you in the eye and quiet possibly be a better me.

Locked into a different way of thinking for my own is failing me.
God I am on my knees, I am praying for more than an answer.
I am praying for my well being, my death, my resurrection, my reluctance to come to you.
I am a broken man and I know it.

I wish to breathe and to take your hand instead of wanting to drown.
I am too comfortable with my anxiety, my comfort of drowning in this tablespoon of water.
It gives me comfort to know that this pain is my normal.
But here I am Lord laying out before you to take me to a place where I have a comfort other than my own insecurities.

A child reaching out his hand through the thorns.
A child wanting to grow.
A face that senses the fear of the unknown.
A chance to let go and let the faith of the child shine through.

My Personal Perception Personified By Convictions

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“I was a pharisee. I never saw the need for grace. Then your love came to me, stood next to mine and I saw that I was poor. Show me I was poor, show us we are…glorious. We are glorious not from what good we have done, but from being the least.”  ~As Cities Burn

 

Sunlight hits your cheek, and the glimmer awakens something deep inside of me.
A longing that I never knew existed before.
Well, that is not entirely true.
I have known, and I have seen but I have never believed.

Sunlight graces the edge of a cliff.
The shadow it creates is more beautiful than the light…to me.
It is signifies the stretch of time between then and now.
Before your glimmer equaled more than an anxious feeling.

Take a chance on me and one day God I will fully be more.
Take a chance on me Lord and I will fail you.
Take a chance on me King and I will disappoint.
But if you take a chance on me, I swear I will believe.

Sunlight hits another.
That ends before it even began.
Not a chance to truly develop because I effed that up.
I let the pain of the past come in and take what may.

Sunlight decides to shine on me, and I hate the way it looks me in the eye.
I prefer to be held in a lie.
To take it and nurture it so I can hide from the truth.
The truth that I am worth it, that grace has set me free.

Take a chance on me friend and I will fail you.
Take a chance on me girl and maybe we can help one another.
Take a chance on me good sir and our friendship might blossom into perfect chaos.
But if you take a chance on me know I am all in, and every chance I get I wish to do something for you…not for me.

I sing for my sins.
I sing for my false religion.
I tantalize my being with a song that is not from the One who gave it all.
I am an idolater when I need a bit of a pick me up.

But Jesus I beg of thee…take a chance on me.
Let me be an offering when I run away.
Let my knees buckle when the sunlight reveals the flaws.
Have me weep in an apartment on a Sunday afternoon when it is just you and me.

Sunlight is my enemy, it is my best friend, it is my lover, and my guide.
I run from the sunlight just as much as I run to it.
Comfort from my own understanding, depression caused from my way of thinking.
Sinning and believing, doubting and worshiping.

Baptizing the inter sanctum of my mind’s eye.
A world view taking root before the very nature of life even starts.
I take the wine and the bread to partake in my belief.
And then I look to the ground and try to do it my own way.

Will I ever get a chance to pick a side.
Will the struggle be made plain, so I can actually reach up to Heaven and be wiped clean?
This world is a mine filled travesty, made into a sin woven tapestry.
I do not belong in this place and my body fights that fact every day.

Do you know who I am?!
Do you think I am this mess of a man?
Do you think I have zero intelligence on the subject of my Savior?
Do you know who I am?!

Do I know who I am?!
Do I think I am worth the very air I breathe?
Do I think that there is something better after death?
Do I know who I am?!

I am a man…and this is my personal perception personified by my convictions.
A sin filled life from the start, and a longing to keep on doing it.
When I know that my vices will never let me win.
Yet, I struggle and I call out day after day.
For I am a man, that does not like to go outside when the sun is shining and hoping to play.

I am a man… broken, bitter, loved, saved.
I am just a man…one that has no control, ever since I went down on my knees.
I am not a savior…but I do look to one.
I am a man…flawed, hurt, depressed, anxious.
Yet hope is still there…

The sunlight hits a cheek far away from where I am today.
One day I think I will see.
If I want to be a better me…
I need to answer prayer with prayer and know there is hope that never goes away.

“Burning out my sins until there’s nothing but dust. Holding me with care into your cigarette. Cause the God I believe in never worked on a campaign trail.”    ~Brand New519048855_1280x720

This Ends Now!

Grit your teeth, pull your hair, paint the walls black and scream, ‘F*** the world, cause it’s my life, I’m gonna take it back,’ And never for a second blame yourself. Hold on tight, this ride is a wild one. Make no mistake, the day will come when you can’t cover up what you’ve done. ~All Time Low

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This ends now!

Awhile ago I was scorn and torn.
I was afraid of letting go, when the opportunity for another entered in.
I am drowning in a sea of my own making.
Well,  I vow to put an end to the madness.

This ends now!

Self deprecating humor that is also serious.
Not accepting that I am better than what I tell myself.
I am hurting those around me while I hurt myself.
And I must learn to pray before I open my mouth.

This ends now!

Little red flags pop up all around.
Flags that I produced without even knowing.
I recognize the problem and I fight to overcome.
I need to relinquish control and let my Maker guide my hand.

This ends now!

An apology to the ones that are around me.
An open letter to the answers that are before.
A set rule that I am putting into place.
Where my petty anger will not become my role.

This ends now!

Here it is…
This anxiety is nothing fresh, but the approach to dissipate it must ring new.
An approach that is better than testing.
An approach that brings together what is new and true.

This ends now!

I weep for forgiveness and hope to build from here.
I weep to enter into a new bond that does not equal a bash against myself.
For when I hurt me, I hurt you.
And that my my friend, my love, my family is something I never wish to do.

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It end here!