Maybe a Bit of Entropy

“Stars looking at our planet watching entropy and pain.”  ~Switchfoot

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My empathy sometimes turns into entropy.
A confusion of thoughts and ideas that sometimes get thrown onto a blog.
A clear cut meaning doesn’t always come through.
But that is nothing new.

For people write, talk, and sing.
They do all these things to audiences that may or may not see what they are trying to say.
A little worry here, and a lot of anger over there.
A bit of chaos that can bind together the linearity of my life.

Break down what it means to be alive.
Take it down to the basic elements.
What are we left with?
I am left with you, God and me.
And maybe a bit of entropy.

Please Listen

“I wanna know what it’s like to be awkward and innocent, not belligerent.”  ~Motion City Soundtrack

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I actually decided to die today.
"Please don't be so dramatic."
"You have so much to live for"
People please, you are so unaware of what I mean. 

A tear down and a build up.
A knowledge that what I was doing is not working anymore.
I decided to die today.
And I believe it will be a very good day.

"Your life is worth it don't do it!" They say.
But I don't think you are listening to what I am saying.
Because I decided to die today.
So let me have this one.

To spell it out for you... I decided to die today.
A death to the life that never treated me well.
One that is changed into a new way of thinking.
Going about temptation with a new form.

Not one full of tunnel vision blockers.
Not one full of disarray. 
But one that justifies and glorifies the hope that's inside.
Because if I don't die today, I will never learn to be alive.
I will never learn how to be okay.

Times of Struggle and Happiness

Philippians 4:6-7 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

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I look to you when I am in the depths.
But for some reason I turn my head when everything is going right.
Why do I deny my precious father when I think I am going so well?
Jesus, I call out to the depths of me.

I call out to thee…

I stretch out my hands in times of need.
But for some reason they are frozen by my side when I believe everything is going right.
Why do I forget to praise you in my time of elation?
Jesus, I call out to the depths of me.

I call out to thee…

Jesus, come and set me free.
Jesus, take this doubt away from me.
In the moments when I feel light headed.
To stretches of happiness.

I call out to thee…

Thank you Lord for understanding.
Because I don’t always understand you.
You are a mystery that decided to love me.
Jesus, come and be my strength.
I call out to thee…

Looking Towards Being a Man

“Wake up in the middle of the night. Just don’t believe everything’s all right when thoughts are running around your head.” ~Emery

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He stands at the end of his rope, hoping for a tug to get him back on the edge.
Answering a call and checking the voice twice.
Is it true the person on the other line is me?
Or is he deciding to treat it as a way to escape being free?

Extinguishing the hope that shrouds his soul.
Taking the next best thing that never was an answer.
Accepting the end as his own personal heaven.
Instead of reflecting and taking it a bit slower.

Screwing what he knows to be the truth.
Twisting my every word into  the next big controversy.
Enlightening his target audience to the staleness of his life.
He is the one that hates the way things turned out.

But they would not have been that way if he just paid attention.
He was stuck in his own bubble.
Waiting for someone to come and pop it.
When he should have escaped by himself.

A man not squander his potential in pursuit of another.
A man should not let himself implode and create a barrier pushing others away.
A prayer that enters in and changes the way you perceive the worlds color.
Become the man that you were meant to be.
And do not let the past decide who you are today.

 

Step One…Choose

“Take me up, seal the door. I don’t want to march here anymore. I realize that this line is dead, so I’ll follow you instead.”  ~Twenty One Pilots

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It begins with an action.
It ends with a thought.
The least of all it could be switched up.
Maybe it would lead to better outcomes.
Quick glances and forgotten smiles pass our lips.
Close and not together.
And the answer could be in either the thought or the action.
Depending on which comes first.
It begins with a smile.
It ends with confusion.
Do we cast ourselves with the net,
Or do we go out and try and swim?
The grandeur that is life is not as big as we think.
It is small and the connections are strong.
And as the start approaches, lives may be changed.
Minds molded by singular events that may not seem noteworthy.
These minuscule events combine into  fleshed out ideas.
These ideas are used for good or for bad.
Maybe there is a gray area thrown in their for kicks and giggles.
But we stand and we fall and we get back up again…most of us.
We could divulge into thoughts with no actions to be seen.
But we are all still in a band.
All of us have a place, but some choose not to play.
And I say, play whether or not it sounds correct.
It is better to play than to sit their wondering if it is okay.
We all need each other.
And even if the awkward is the normal for your life today,
Go forth and play anyway.
A glance and a smile doesn’t seem so bad.
But I will tell you it all comes down to context.
I choose to play the game, the note…
Whether it is correct or not.
I begin everyday with a thought.
While other days it is with an action.
Roll over, open eyes, and continue breathing.
Press forward and pray that God will show you the way.
Step One…choose.

 

The Mask Family

“I gave my everything for all the wrong things. In this cold reality I made this selfish war machine.” ~Coheed and Cambria

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She stumbles tonight.
Clinging onto the stench of sidewalk stories and bitter determination.
Travelling a block is too much to ask.
And the regret is already sinking in.

Ms. Blue Mask, you are loved. 

She didn’t mean to do this.
It was never her intention.
But the pain was too much and her head and heart did not connect.
A stone that was turned and then tossed aside for something worse.

You are loved.

His eyes glaze over and the emotion takes him from the inside.
A pent up anger lurching out.
His hand now bloodied, his shirt stained.
Brick one and he is left with zero.

Mr. Red Mask, you are loved. 

His hope was diminished.
It went out the window just like the other.
Regret that he did it first.
Giving into the world that has so many beautiful traps.

You are loved.

The lake sprawled out in front of them.
The waters edge a welcoming distraction from the world.
A slip and a fall.
Accidental of course, but the sign was broken.

Mr. and Ms.Green Masks, you are loved. 

The lake is distant, and the void was never filled.
They reach for a different set of hands.
The numb directing the physical.
Reaching for an answer in a myriad of places.

You are loved.

Limp wrist and a painting that is all his own.
The instrument fallen to the floor after he was satisfied.
Closing his eyes to breathe in the moment.
A scream and a stutter at the door.

Mr. Black Mask, you are loved. 

Awake in his sterile room.
Having discussion  after discussion. 
He asks, “Why, won’t these people ever wear anything other than white?” 
Is his head clear yet?

You are loved.

A plethora of stories.
Failures and understatements litter the air.
All coming together to form a singular truth.
That you are loved, despite…

A mixture of color and depth of view.
Tears that loosen the tongue.
As people fall to their knees to repent and pray.
A performance that even the Oscars can’t deny multiple awards.

But there is love shrouded behind your shadow.
Longing to wrap you up.
Wanting you to let go of pride and self loathing.
For you are loved.
Because this love will never deny.

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"How can we be ourselves, if we don't know who we are?" ~Jon Foreman