Category Archives: past

Hidden Sunny Demeanor

 

“You lose control when you hold too tight, and turn your head long enough to let it bite. ‘Cause faith left me staring at the ceiling through the night. It’s freaking me out.” ~Copeland

Child Torn Box Girl Eye Hiding Young Boy HoleLightning striking twice.
The tide rolling towards the Midwest.
Tornadoes on the coast.
And fires taking flight in the clouds.

An upside down way of thinking.
A class 2 comet approaching my brain.
Driving home the point that I am better than the parts that have been given to me.
And the through lines that exist exaggerate the need to make sure I make it through the day.

Hello, equal parts water and soul.
A skin and bones kind of problem.
Or maybe it is a dilemma?
Whatever it is, I’ve decided to pray above it.

The wind is picking up.
The howling overtaking my ears.
The need to get up and leave takes over.
And if I come back I hope that the screaming dissipates.

When I can’t figure out the solution and the frustration clouds my judgement,
I decide it is better to fight with anger than with rationale.
Of course that is not the course of action that pleases my biggest fans.
And it surely doesn’t please the Love that has given me the reason to be alive.

I need to accept I can’t be good at everything.
Or even accept that maybe there is something that I actually do well.
Whatever it is, I pray to grasp onto it,
Before the storms go haywire and my head implodes upon this desolate Earth.

The howling takes its toll and then maybe peace will come.
Remember Matt, they like you for you.
Don’t become someone you are not because you don’t feel good enough.
Feelings are fickle and love is a choice, not an over dramatic feeling fueled by Hollywood cameras.

Lightning striking twice.
The tide rolling towards the Midwest.
Tornadoes on the coast.
And fires taking flight to the clouds.

What a ride we’ve been on.
Diving into the clouds, and flying in the ocean.
I am on my knees praying for more than good relationships.
I’m praying that the one relationship that truly matters is strengthened.
For He is what supplies my hidden sunny demeanor.

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A Living Smirk

Second hand smiles.
A glance forward.
A guise that emphasizes how happy we can be.
Or maybe a reminder that not all happiness is joy.

Smile for the pretty , pretty picture.
The cameras flash, the exposure being adjusted manually.
She speaks, “Make me look good please.
But don’t make me fake.”

Second hand acceleration into the known.
A second chance to not be alone.
A living smirk,
Highlighted by accents of blue.

She says, “Don’t let me quit.
Don’t let me burn out.
Help me to smile before a mirror.
Let me answer the questions I hide behind this smile.”

Second hand smiles.
A glance forward.
A guise that emphasizes how happy we can be.
Or maybe a reminder that not all happiness is joy.

Artwork By: Keighty Rae
Photo 1 (1)

 

 

 

Do You Ever Look Back?

Do you ever take a look back.
Back in time to see the ones that loved you,
The ones that wronged you,
Or maybe the ones that should have gotten more attention?

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you went right instead of left,
Took that train instead of taking the other,
Gone back to the girl that smiled when you passed by,
Or jumped up instead of ducking?

I think that we all have times when we reflect a little too much.
Where we don’t hesitate to establish a connection to the past.
Or when we take a deep dive into what if…?
But I think that periodic trips are more useful than dwelling.

For your home is what you have right now.
The hearth is the heart that beats at the present.
It is not the dusty mantle where childhood pictures are toppled,
Or the open door to the portraits made from past regrets.

Do you ever enter into the future to check the past?
What about the present,
Is it too much to ask for a reprieve from where we are now?
Is your home as warm as it was before?

Do you ever take a look back?
Do you take a vacation to better times?
Do you regret the moment you didn’t take your life?
Is it hard to steer away from prior heartbreaks and spilled milk?

Take heart.
You are here right now, alive and beautiful.
Take heart.
Your home can be rebuilt.

Do you ever look back?
I sure do.
I believe that we all sometimes need to.
At least that is the case for me.

Do you ever look back?
Do you look for the now?
Do you look ahead?
Which one looks better to you?

Put on Your Dancing Shoes

Put on the charm.
Carry out the action.
Dance to the symmetry.
But do it quickly because you never know how long you have left.

Right outside is beauty.
Formed together by grace and elegance.
A 1950’s charmer.
A dance that accompanies both melancholy and hope.

Put on the swing.
Dance a little slower than you might otherwise.
Pursue a bit faster than what is comfortable.
But do it genuinely, or it will all be for naught.

Pulling up with windows down.
Cruising down with the wind blowing inside.
Clearing your head for what is to come.
No,  after thoughts to crush the high you are now on.

Put on the charm.
Form a thought about another.
Dance to the entropy that comes after the symmetry.
But do it quickly…

Put on your dancing shoes.
This club isn’t for everyone.
Find out if you got what it takes.
And if you do, treasure, love, and be you no matter what others tell you.

Pursue the lover.
Dance like no other.
Please be a true charmer.
Be filled with symmetry and of course a little entropy.

 

 

 

A Dwelling Place

“My heartbeat, my oxygen, my banner, my home, my future, my song, your hope is the anthem of my soul.” ~Switchfoot

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There is more to now than what is coming next.
Or what happened before the moment.
But we dwell on such things instead of wondering what is happening at this present moment.
Answering the questions of the past to try and determine our futures.

It is not wrong to think ahead, or learn from the past.
I encourage it daily.
The problem is sometimes we put more stock into who we are…
And forget to see where we’re at.

The person I am now is not the same as the one before.
Maybe I grew up, maybe I went backwards.
All I know is I am here and I am alive.
I am holding onto the hope that was placed upon my heart.

When I think to hard about what my mind used to call home,
I reject all the good that has happened since.
I retreat to a mindset that I have no desire to revisit.
I am not that person anymore and I need to leave the past where it belongs.

When I try to see passed the next five minutes, I start to see what I have not done.
“I have failed.” I say.
“Why am I single, why is no one there by my side?”
But God has a plan, and right now is where He wants me to be at.

I put too much stock into what I have not done.
I put too much stock into who I have been.
I should be happy with the now.
Happy with the man God has currently shaped me to be.

Thoughts brought on by reality.
Togetherness equals strength.
Family is more than an emotional crutch.
And hope is the desire of the past to the present, and to the future of all that I will do.

She’s in Love with Chaos

“She was a wreck. but he loved her. She was a wreck, but so was he.” ~Copeland

 

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It looks like a heartache waiting to happen.
When the phone hits the floor and she is left alone.
The other line dead and the voice has stopped.
And the drumming from her head is working harder than her heart.

She’s in love with chaos.
The ups and the downs.
The lefts that are actually rights, her mind begging to be found.
She’s in love with chaos.
The unknown, is the start of her disorganization alone.

Picking up the pieces and moving one.
Going from one phone to another waiting to belong.
Not trying to hard to sing a better song.
All she does is wait for heartache, to become her white and black swan.

She’s in love with chaos.
The deaf tones of awkward lies.
The messed up deliveries of sought after lines.
She’s in love with chaos.
With her mind, taking deep breaths and taking names that she must find.

Sectioned off and in the crowd.
Determined for more than a sour sound.
But not giving it enough effort or follow through.
The choice is hers, even though she’ll never limit herself to a few.

She’s in love with chaos.
The ups and the downs.
The lefts that are actually rights, marked with hearts waiting to be found.
She’s in love with chaos.
Heartbreak brought on, by late night phone calls and luck based falls.

She’s in love with chaos.
And the Lord knows…
That one day maybe her eyes will see the light being shown.
She’s in love with chaos and the rest.
For one moment she breaks and finally passes a test.

Tomorrow Gets Me Through the Past

“They left us alone, the kids in the dark to burn out forever, or light up a spark. We come together state of the art. We’ll never surrender, the kids in the dark. So let the world sing, ‘What a shame beautiful scars on critical veins. ‘Come together state of the art. We’ll never surrender. “

                                                                                                                                                   ~ All Time Low



~ Tomorrow Gets Me Through the Past ~

Tomorrow equals new experiences.
Tomorrow    IS the narrow versus the Broad.
Tomorrow   IS a choice That reinvents Itself as the events Get Closer.
Tomorrow   IS Always in the Now, so Get up and Dance.

A smile filling my eyes as I learn to discover rather than cower.
A moment of jubilee when I find out that change is not as bad as it seems.
More of this and that.
And less of that and this.

For tomorrow  IS the Day That starts yesterday.  
Finding out that fear is no longer part of my arsenal.
That time when it is okay to wander and not find anything at all.
Tomorrow   IS Never Alone and today IS filled with Sparks.

A smile filling my face as I learn to drive and not let go.
A smile that tells me that running away is not the answer.
A moment of jubilee when I realize that letting go is just another part of the day.
For letting go is a double edged sword used for the good and for the tarnished.

Tomorrow   Divides into three.
The past, present, and the future.
All rolled into one caring moment where the choice is made.
As I run and not let myself equal the impossible.

Even though I miss and I mourn.
Even as I am filled with sadness that I will not get to see them.
I know they are safe.
I know that life takes a strange path to find an answer that was always there.

Here I go weeping for joy.
Here I go dancing this day into the next.
Here I go taking in feeling and using it for good.
Here I Go looking for tomorrow  Which IS just like looking for today.  

Tomorrow  equals new experiences.
Tomorrow   IS the path less Traveled and more Traveled by others.
Tomorrow   IS missing the ones I hold Dearest.
But for now I tell you I love you.

I love you more than you know.
But we know, that we are never not together.
Because tomorrow  IS where the memories and the Present collide to form the new and exciting.  
Tomorrow  IS a lways in the Past and the Now.

So get up and dance to the new.
Dance to the present, and the past.
So get up and dance to the undecided.
Because we all know that the meaning will be with us and reveal itself when our eyes stop looking.  

But please do not stop looking at the same stars.
Or even the same sun and moon.
For even if the sun is a star.
It is the one that will truly guide me home.