Category Archives: pain

Hidden Sunny Demeanor

 

“You lose control when you hold too tight, and turn your head long enough to let it bite. ‘Cause faith left me staring at the ceiling through the night. It’s freaking me out.” ~Copeland

Child Torn Box Girl Eye Hiding Young Boy HoleLightning striking twice.
The tide rolling towards the Midwest.
Tornadoes on the coast.
And fires taking flight in the clouds.

An upside down way of thinking.
A class 2 comet approaching my brain.
Driving home the point that I am better than the parts that have been given to me.
And the through lines that exist exaggerate the need to make sure I make it through the day.

Hello, equal parts water and soul.
A skin and bones kind of problem.
Or maybe it is a dilemma?
Whatever it is, I’ve decided to pray above it.

The wind is picking up.
The howling overtaking my ears.
The need to get up and leave takes over.
And if I come back I hope that the screaming dissipates.

When I can’t figure out the solution and the frustration clouds my judgement,
I decide it is better to fight with anger than with rationale.
Of course that is not the course of action that pleases my biggest fans.
And it surely doesn’t please the Love that has given me the reason to be alive.

I need to accept I can’t be good at everything.
Or even accept that maybe there is something that I actually do well.
Whatever it is, I pray to grasp onto it,
Before the storms go haywire and my head implodes upon this desolate Earth.

The howling takes its toll and then maybe peace will come.
Remember Matt, they like you for you.
Don’t become someone you are not because you don’t feel good enough.
Feelings are fickle and love is a choice, not an over dramatic feeling fueled by Hollywood cameras.

Lightning striking twice.
The tide rolling towards the Midwest.
Tornadoes on the coast.
And fires taking flight to the clouds.

What a ride we’ve been on.
Diving into the clouds, and flying in the ocean.
I am on my knees praying for more than good relationships.
I’m praying that the one relationship that truly matters is strengthened.
For He is what supplies my hidden sunny demeanor.

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A Living Smirk

Second hand smiles.
A glance forward.
A guise that emphasizes how happy we can be.
Or maybe a reminder that not all happiness is joy.

Smile for the pretty , pretty picture.
The cameras flash, the exposure being adjusted manually.
She speaks, “Make me look good please.
But don’t make me fake.”

Second hand acceleration into the known.
A second chance to not be alone.
A living smirk,
Highlighted by accents of blue.

She says, “Don’t let me quit.
Don’t let me burn out.
Help me to smile before a mirror.
Let me answer the questions I hide behind this smile.”

Second hand smiles.
A glance forward.
A guise that emphasizes how happy we can be.
Or maybe a reminder that not all happiness is joy.

Artwork By: Keighty Rae
Photo 1 (1)

 

 

 

The More We Learn the Less We Care

We rise and we fall.
We go under; we come back up.
A slow passing of time.
A break neck speed of events.

It never ends.
We keep on going while the clock is clicking.
We keep on moving while it ticks and tocks all day.
It never stops and asks us if we need to rest.

A little smile to the left; a little cry to the right.
Anxiety is behind me, and true love hopefully in front.
But he doesn’t necessarily think it includes him.
But if it does he hopes that it includes a wrist guard.

This time I am going to be kind to time.
For the more we learn the less we care.
The more we care the more we can learn.
As time marches on to more beginnings and endings.

It returns to the earth and ends up crying out.
When time ends and reclaims its former glory.
A semblance of control diminishes,
When we realize it is out of our hands.

At least it helps when you are the only one with headphones on.
Blocking out the noise that fills the air.
Marching forward and not looking back.
Learning as much as I can; trying to care a bit more.

But he tries a little too hard sometimes.
With a reach to the sky; a certain sparkle that’s left his eye.
A sore heart ready for another.
He breathes a bit harder these days.

But I am here with my jacket in my hands.
Ready to jump a little further today.
Maybe this time I will make it into the pool.
But if I don’t at least it was a thrill until the end.

And there he is too afraid to even jump.
Too afraid to learn that going up is the same as going down.
I hope the example is enough to hobble him along.
A little push into the new canon he could bring to his life.

We rise and we fall.
We go under; we come back up.
A slow passing of time.
A break neck speed of events.

We rise and we fall.
We dig a little deeper; we reach a little higher.
A snails speed passing us by.
A bullet train that ends up piercing our hearts.
A goodbye bleeding into hello.
As this clock ticks real slow.

She’s in Love with Chaos

“She was a wreck. but he loved her. She was a wreck, but so was he.” ~Copeland

 

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It looks like a heartache waiting to happen.
When the phone hits the floor and she is left alone.
The other line dead and the voice has stopped.
And the drumming from her head is working harder than her heart.

She’s in love with chaos.
The ups and the downs.
The lefts that are actually rights, her mind begging to be found.
She’s in love with chaos.
The unknown, is the start of her disorganization alone.

Picking up the pieces and moving one.
Going from one phone to another waiting to belong.
Not trying to hard to sing a better song.
All she does is wait for heartache, to become her white and black swan.

She’s in love with chaos.
The deaf tones of awkward lies.
The messed up deliveries of sought after lines.
She’s in love with chaos.
With her mind, taking deep breaths and taking names that she must find.

Sectioned off and in the crowd.
Determined for more than a sour sound.
But not giving it enough effort or follow through.
The choice is hers, even though she’ll never limit herself to a few.

She’s in love with chaos.
The ups and the downs.
The lefts that are actually rights, marked with hearts waiting to be found.
She’s in love with chaos.
Heartbreak brought on, by late night phone calls and luck based falls.

She’s in love with chaos.
And the Lord knows…
That one day maybe her eyes will see the light being shown.
She’s in love with chaos and the rest.
For one moment she breaks and finally passes a test.

A Lovely Tune

“I know that there’s a meaning to it all.
A little resurrection every time I fall.
You got your babies, I got my hearses.
Every blessing comes with a set of curses.
I got my vices, I got my vice verses”

-Switchfoot

~A Lovely Tune~

travel-around-the-world

The night has succumbed to the darkness.
The stars are no longer doing their job,
And the moon has lost the sun.

Day has never felt so quiet.
Twilight no longer has any color.
What is this world coming to?

When does it make sense to feel?
Is it okay to care just a bit?
To bring the light to a place that decides it doesn’t need it.

Loss makes the world look a little different.
Friends that go through heartache destroy you a bit inside.
But we pray and that is all we can do.
When you are in another country just trying to sing a lovely tune.

When the light hurts your eyes.
And the fire burns cold.
It is time to mourn for another soul.

Nights are longer and the day is never
When a friend is in pain.
And when it is your best friend it hurts even more.

Loss makes the world look a little different.
Friends that go through heartache destroy you a bit inside.
But we pray and that is all we can do.
When you are in another country just trying to sing a lovely tune.

I am told to shake it off.
I am told that times heals all wounds.
I am told to walk the line.

But sometimes I just want to cry.
Sometimes I want to hide.
Is it okay to do so every once and awhile?

For the world we live in is broken.
And all the words that are spoken,
Do nothing to quell the situation we find ourselves in.

For loss makes the world look a little bit different.
Friends that go through heartache can destroy you inside.
But we pray and that is all we can do.
When you are in another country just trying to sing a lovely tune.