Category Archives: love

But Here We Are

“This business is small victories. In a sea, in a sea of misery, well I’ll take a small victory.”      ~American Opera

You said that it was okay to let down your guard down.
When you came into my life and broke me to the ground.
You told me that this train would take me home.
You said let’s just get on and go.

But time has shown that what you said is not what you meant.
What you said is the traffic light turning red whenever we approach.
Every time the train is about to go straight you hit the switch to change the path.
Going to the left instead of heading right.

It’s not okay to come in and say that everything will be okay.
If it means that every time you look into each others eyes it is a lie.
A time waiting to end it.
With feelings and logic being tossed to the side.

But here we are.
Distant and filled with snark.
And not the kind that equals a laugh.
But here we are.

Of course it is a two way street.
It is both a push and pull.
But at this point I think it is better to just go.
Go and head down different one ways.

You said that it was okay to let down your guard down.
When you came into my life and broke me to the ground.
You told me that this train would take me home.
You said let’s just get on and go…

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Ring in a New Tune (Part 3 of 3)

It hurts like a tornado ripping through its specified target.
A misfortune of chaos, brightly throwing debris.
It is described as a cleanse.
But it feels like the end in my head.

It hurts like a hurricane tearing through the open coast.
Where locals are still in their boats,
Tourists have to change their plans.
And there is false hope when the eye shows its face.

Once more with feeling.
One more dream opened up and swallowed whole.
Once more with feeling.
When the land is not discernible from the sea.

Take me into the waves.
Take me to the edge of the Earth.
Where I can swim and maybe float.
Take me to the sea, so I may hear your voice in the waves.

Because God it hurts more than trying out self control.
It hurts because I lost your song.
That simple melody that defined me.
A tune unsung for too long.

I decided to fill up the oceans today.
One drop at a time.
One more salty distraction that leaks from my eyes.
I decided that your love is enough.

Because God it hurts more than listening to your voice.
It hurts because I lost your song.
That simple chord of hope.
A tune I have not sought after for some time.

Because God  it is time.
It is time to keep singing, whether I am on tune or not.
Because God I miss your waves.
Tossing and tearing right through me.

I would love to find the song.
Your song.
One with a melody I can follow.
Or one that is chaotic, but true.

And in those moments when the pain is unbearable.
And the hurt is deciding its own course.
There is a whisper that is near.
A voice that cuts through.

A song that is just for me.
One that is a sweet melody.
One that is chaotic and true.
One that is the center of me and you.

Because God it hurts more than the tree in the forest.
The one that tumbles and no one can hear it.
But I have your melody, I have your tune.
For your hope is enough, and your song is love renewed.

 

Today is my Birthday

“You say I’m a loser in the background. I can never seem to get it right, but I’m learning my worth is more than your word.” ~Beartooth

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Today is my birthday and I am a bit different than the others around me.
My mentality is a bit stricken when in the presence of people.
A comfortable state that doesn’t come naturally to me.
Like stumbling over words around those that used to care.

On the outside looking in for most of my days,
But I am okay with it now,
But for a time it was all that I could do not to scream at me being me.
As for the now who knows if I have truly moved on.

Insecure and walking through crowds that decide if I am being social enough.
I never felt like gravitating towards a specific side.
Rather longing for long stretches of imagining just who I am.
And failing enough times to last a couple lifetimes.

Failure is not over, I am sure.
For in life you fail.
How you get back up is what truly defines you.
How you act in the face of success could be a bit more telling.

I just wonder if I will one day find out for myself if that is true.
I’ll take my little victories and insecurities.
My typecast role that I fight against.
Or the face that is beautiful but is so far away, even if it is right next to me.

For the meaning of me is the meaning of hope.
A rise to the bottom wondering if I will ever get to the top.
My soul crying out for water that means more than any human soul.
Let me dry out my hands while reaching out.

Today is my birthday, and what do I have to say?
Should I tell of great accomplishments, or just go on with my day.
Should I tell of my angst that still presides since I was 16?
Today is my birthday, and I think I may be worth more than what my mind tells me.

I am a person that justifies myself by a wandering eye.
A hand that I use to reach high and employ to cry out to the other side.
A hand held out to anyone who needs what I wish to have.
And a person I long to be.

For today is my birthday,
And I guess it is a reflective type of day.
My hope anchored in my heart of hearts.
Knowing I have a long road to go.
Knowing that I have those around that remind me that I am not always alone.

She’s in Love with Chaos

“She was a wreck. but he loved her. She was a wreck, but so was he.” ~Copeland

 

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It looks like a heartache waiting to happen.
When the phone hits the floor and she is left alone.
The other line dead and the voice has stopped.
And the drumming from her head is working harder than her heart.

She’s in love with chaos.
The ups and the downs.
The lefts that are actually rights, her mind begging to be found.
She’s in love with chaos.
The unknown, is the start of her disorganization alone.

Picking up the pieces and moving one.
Going from one phone to another waiting to belong.
Not trying to hard to sing a better song.
All she does is wait for heartache, to become her white and black swan.

She’s in love with chaos.
The deaf tones of awkward lies.
The messed up deliveries of sought after lines.
She’s in love with chaos.
With her mind, taking deep breaths and taking names that she must find.

Sectioned off and in the crowd.
Determined for more than a sour sound.
But not giving it enough effort or follow through.
The choice is hers, even though she’ll never limit herself to a few.

She’s in love with chaos.
The ups and the downs.
The lefts that are actually rights, marked with hearts waiting to be found.
She’s in love with chaos.
Heartbreak brought on, by late night phone calls and luck based falls.

She’s in love with chaos.
And the Lord knows…
That one day maybe her eyes will see the light being shown.
She’s in love with chaos and the rest.
For one moment she breaks and finally passes a test.

The Mask Family

“I gave my everything for all the wrong things. In this cold reality I made this selfish war machine.” ~Coheed and Cambria

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She stumbles tonight.
Clinging onto the stench of sidewalk stories and bitter determination.
Travelling a block is too much to ask.
And the regret is already sinking in.

Ms. Blue Mask, you are loved. 

She didn’t mean to do this.
It was never her intention.
But the pain was too much and her head and heart did not connect.
A stone that was turned and then tossed aside for something worse.

You are loved.

His eyes glaze over and the emotion takes him from the inside.
A pent up anger lurching out.
His hand now bloodied, his shirt stained.
Brick one and he is left with zero.

Mr. Red Mask, you are loved. 

His hope was diminished.
It went out the window just like the other.
Regret that he did it first.
Giving into the world that has so many beautiful traps.

You are loved.

The lake sprawled out in front of them.
The waters edge a welcoming distraction from the world.
A slip and a fall.
Accidental of course, but the sign was broken.

Mr. and Ms.Green Masks, you are loved. 

The lake is distant, and the void was never filled.
They reach for a different set of hands.
The numb directing the physical.
Reaching for an answer in a myriad of places.

You are loved.

Limp wrist and a painting that is all his own.
The instrument fallen to the floor after he was satisfied.
Closing his eyes to breathe in the moment.
A scream and a stutter at the door.

Mr. Black Mask, you are loved. 

Awake in his sterile room.
Having discussion  after discussion. 
He asks, “Why, won’t these people ever wear anything other than white?” 
Is his head clear yet?

You are loved.

A plethora of stories.
Failures and understatements litter the air.
All coming together to form a singular truth.
That you are loved, despite…

A mixture of color and depth of view.
Tears that loosen the tongue.
As people fall to their knees to repent and pray.
A performance that even the Oscars can’t deny multiple awards.

But there is love shrouded behind your shadow.
Longing to wrap you up.
Wanting you to let go of pride and self loathing.
For you are loved.
Because this love will never deny.

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When You Realize

“If you could let the pain of the past go, of your soul. None of this is in your control.” ~Switchfoot 
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My soul is thirsty and my heart has been broken.
I am crying out to all the things that I believe will make me whole.
The bottle and the strength of self,
The songs of those not inspired by the True Love.

My soul is thirsty and my heart is broken.
I am fine in the mornings and then it hits as I wake.
A storm eating into the very being of me.
Knowing I am hurt a bit more than the thing that hurt me.

When you put your whole heart into something without God it will not last.
When you try and do it by yourself it will fall apart.
When the thing you are next to is being held onto a little to tight.
When you realize you let your past dictate the way you respond to the present.

All these realizations come in waves.
Yet here I stand still trying to do it on my own.
I need to relinquish control because none of this is actually mine to conduct.
I need to let the pain of my past go away and apply it to the next beauty that comes my way.

For I screwed up.
I was the problem.
I held tight.
Instead of letting myself be guided by the light.

My soul is thirsty and my heart broken.
It seems to be getting better everyday.
I am sorry to say that even Nintendo is not letting me stay happy today.
I need something more and a guiding hand from the One who gave it all.

This world will not do,  especially when it feels I am running from you.
Wondering if they were even ready?
Or if it was completely me?
Because that is my perspective all the way.

Get out.
Get out and leave my head.
Get out and let me raise my hand to thee.
Get out and let me see through eyes that can become clean.

My soul is thirsty and my heart is broken.
Hurting from the possibility that is now lost.
I must look to the Word that was spoken.
For this word is alive and breathing life back into my tired and thirsty soul.

In the end it was short.
But when you believed you have found it…
When you believed your hope was justified.
It hurts like it was a star burning out right before it could be truly bright.

The Good Kind of Greed

“In this life, I’m stubborn to the core. In this life, I’ve been burning after more. We both know what these open arms are for.” ~Switchfoot

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A cheerful expression that answers its own questions.
A simple but diverse point that is being made.
Taking credit for others work,
when all I want to do is hold you close and let the world melt away.

Tell me a story where the point of view is from you.
Talking and making sense.
Breathing and learning.
A dance that circles on itself.

Let live and let die the hope that burns.
For hope is the passion that the heart uses to,
Determine how much I feel like being alive.
Equal parts avarice and self pity.

Tell me the moment when you feel safe.
Unlock the secrets so that I might make you smile.
I hope this finds you well.
I hope this ignites more than emotion.

For emotions do not recite poetry truly.
They are masks placed by your mind over our hearts.
Breathe and let me be an ever guiding lighthouse.
A hold and a touch that tells me that it is okay to be me.