Category Archives: hope

Look Up North

“Cause we never learned to keep our voices down. No, we only learned to shout. So we fight our way in, we fight our way out.” ~Dashboard Confessional

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Our hearts are deciding that the weather is the source of sanity.
A moment suspended in time where getting out of bed is harder than quantum mechanics.
The bed grips us and doesn’t want to let go.
Longing for the sun and longing for a strength to open our eyes today.

A God who has the strength to change this position.
A hope that is carried on the backs of those that have fallen before us.
Equal parts sanity and insecurity determine moods during these days.
Masking the pain we feel with happiness and short sighted  fixes.

Just know to fight.
Fight for your joy, fight for your hope.
Don’t ever let go of the person that God made you to be.
A fight against the wave that comes and knocks you down to your knees.

As one of my favorite songs says, “Everybody gets high, everybody gets low.”
Pick yourself up and know you are worth more than your mind will say.
But remember sometimes it is okay to be alone.
And when those times come don’t go into yourself, look up north.

A prayer for the depressed.
A prayer for the crippling effects of anxiety.
We will fight together; we will win.
Take a hand and raise your fist.
We will win this war.

“Everybody gets high, everybody gets low.” ~Beartooth

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It Would Nice to Have Window

Walls surround and call my name.
Not long before I fall asleep.
Not walls made of wood and plaster.
But walls made of black and other dark colors.

A room built.
A room that isn’t always the same.
Sometimes I am given a chair.
Sometimes there is nothing there.

My eyes go up.
My eyes go down.
It is hard to look left.
It is hard to look right.

I open my eyes some nights during sleep.
I look around inside of the dream.
This dream is sometimes hopeful and lovely.
But mostly it is a nightmare brought on by my lack of self esteem.

I am very aware of what I can do.
What I can’t do.
When I am stylized.
When I am talking out of my… you know.

It would be nice to have a window.
So that the light in the room can be shown in the night.
I am on a hill looking down and up.
Hoping in hope, to show people that I can offer a rope.

But the nightmare continues on.
Building more walls.
And resisting any calls.
But the hope is still there,  desiring to wake up and not despair.

This world is not in my control.
I cannot take down these walls.
Only Love has the power to shake up this room.
So I may better share the hope that I know to be true.

I am given a match.
I light it up, and drop it down.
The walls burn to the ground in the form of a tune.
I take up Your hope, and go out to build a better room.

The Truth Still Remains…

My heart is breaking.
My eyes are sweating.
The fibers of my being are crying out.
With a simple message in my heart… I miss you.

Today is a good day.
Nothing is wrong.
Nothing has gone astray.
But the truth still remains… I miss you.

I see a family visiting family.
I see a friend moving away.
I found out I will miss them when I get back on a Sunday.
Even if that will be a glorious day.

A sorrow has gripped my throat.
A friend has gone back home.
Happiness is not enough,
For this feeling to go away.

There is this simple truth in the air.
It’s a good one I swear.
It hurts to be this far.
It hurts because we are close.

I miss you more than a shepard losing his flock.
I miss you because you left.
I miss you because you are not here.
I miss you because right now I wish to be there.

I miss you.
And I think that means I have love in my heart.
A love for my family and my friends.
Friends that I consider my family.

I miss you.
But more importantly know that I love you,
And I am here for you.
Even if I am miles and miles away.

My heart is breaking.
My eyes are sweating
The fibers of my being are crying out.
With a simple message in my heart… I miss you.

Is it Ash?

Are you listening? We write a thousand pages, they’re torn and on the floor. Headlights hammer the windows, we’re locked behind these doors. And we are never leaving, this place is part of us. And all these scenes repeating are cold to the touch.       ~Emery

Are you here with me now?
Are your ears and eyes open to the possibilities all around you?
Can you see the water crashing on the rocks,
Or hear the song of birds singing about the coming cold?

Does your world fall like snow?
Or is it ash from the fires burning below?
Can the skies become clear,
When all you ever do is fear?

Take a look into the seeing stone.
Turn your thoughts into something new.
Take a walk without your shoes.
To feel the path under foot changing for you.

The plans set before are not in your control.
True Love has it in his hands.
If you wonder how long it will take to get there,
I cannot answer for I am seeking too.

But are we listening?
Are we trying out things that only we want to do?
Are we burning down bridges that would help?
Or refusing the miracle of taking flight?

Does our worlds fall like snow?
Or is it ash from the fires burning below?
Can our skies become clear,
When all we do is live in fear?

Ring in a New Tune (Part 3 of 3)

It hurts like a tornado ripping through its specified target.
A misfortune of chaos, brightly throwing debris.
It is described as a cleanse.
But it feels like the end in my head.

It hurts like a hurricane tearing through the open coast.
Where locals are still in their boats,
Tourists have to change their plans.
And there is false hope when the eye shows its face.

Once more with feeling.
One more dream opened up and swallowed whole.
Once more with feeling.
When the land is not discernible from the sea.

Take me into the waves.
Take me to the edge of the Earth.
Where I can swim and maybe float.
Take me to the sea, so I may hear your voice in the waves.

Because God it hurts more than trying out self control.
It hurts because I lost your song.
That simple melody that defined me.
A tune unsung for too long.

I decided to fill up the oceans today.
One drop at a time.
One more salty distraction that leaks from my eyes.
I decided that your love is enough.

Because God it hurts more than listening to your voice.
It hurts because I lost your song.
That simple chord of hope.
A tune I have not sought after for some time.

Because God  it is time.
It is time to keep singing, whether I am on tune or not.
Because God I miss your waves.
Tossing and tearing right through me.

I would love to find the song.
Your song.
One with a melody I can follow.
Or one that is chaotic, but true.

And in those moments when the pain is unbearable.
And the hurt is deciding its own course.
There is a whisper that is near.
A voice that cuts through.

A song that is just for me.
One that is a sweet melody.
One that is chaotic and true.
One that is the center of me and you.

Because God it hurts more than the tree in the forest.
The one that tumbles and no one can hear it.
But I have your melody, I have your tune.
For your hope is enough, and your song is love renewed.

 

A Dwelling Place

“My heartbeat, my oxygen, my banner, my home, my future, my song, your hope is the anthem of my soul.” ~Switchfoot

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There is more to now than what is coming next.
Or what happened before the moment.
But we dwell on such things instead of wondering what is happening at this present moment.
Answering the questions of the past to try and determine our futures.

It is not wrong to think ahead, or learn from the past.
I encourage it daily.
The problem is sometimes we put more stock into who we are…
And forget to see where we’re at.

The person I am now is not the same as the one before.
Maybe I grew up, maybe I went backwards.
All I know is I am here and I am alive.
I am holding onto the hope that was placed upon my heart.

When I think to hard about what my mind used to call home,
I reject all the good that has happened since.
I retreat to a mindset that I have no desire to revisit.
I am not that person anymore and I need to leave the past where it belongs.

When I try to see passed the next five minutes, I start to see what I have not done.
“I have failed.” I say.
“Why am I single, why is no one there by my side?”
But God has a plan, and right now is where He wants me to be at.

I put too much stock into what I have not done.
I put too much stock into who I have been.
I should be happy with the now.
Happy with the man God has currently shaped me to be.

Thoughts brought on by reality.
Togetherness equals strength.
Family is more than an emotional crutch.
And hope is the desire of the past to the present, and to the future of all that I will do.

Today is my Birthday

“You say I’m a loser in the background. I can never seem to get it right, but I’m learning my worth is more than your word.” ~Beartooth

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Today is my birthday and I am a bit different than the others around me.
My mentality is a bit stricken when in the presence of people.
A comfortable state that doesn’t come naturally to me.
Like stumbling over words around those that used to care.

On the outside looking in for most of my days,
But I am okay with it now,
But for a time it was all that I could do not to scream at me being me.
As for the now who knows if I have truly moved on.

Insecure and walking through crowds that decide if I am being social enough.
I never felt like gravitating towards a specific side.
Rather longing for long stretches of imagining just who I am.
And failing enough times to last a couple lifetimes.

Failure is not over, I am sure.
For in life you fail.
How you get back up is what truly defines you.
How you act in the face of success could be a bit more telling.

I just wonder if I will one day find out for myself if that is true.
I’ll take my little victories and insecurities.
My typecast role that I fight against.
Or the face that is beautiful but is so far away, even if it is right next to me.

For the meaning of me is the meaning of hope.
A rise to the bottom wondering if I will ever get to the top.
My soul crying out for water that means more than any human soul.
Let me dry out my hands while reaching out.

Today is my birthday, and what do I have to say?
Should I tell of great accomplishments, or just go on with my day.
Should I tell of my angst that still presides since I was 16?
Today is my birthday, and I think I may be worth more than what my mind tells me.

I am a person that justifies myself by a wandering eye.
A hand that I use to reach high and employ to cry out to the other side.
A hand held out to anyone who needs what I wish to have.
And a person I long to be.

For today is my birthday,
And I guess it is a reflective type of day.
My hope anchored in my heart of hearts.
Knowing I have a long road to go.
Knowing that I have those around that remind me that I am not always alone.