Category Archives: hope

A Dwelling Place

“My heartbeat, my oxygen, my banner, my home, my future, my song, your hope is the anthem of my soul.” ~Switchfoot

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There is more to now than what is coming next.
Or what happened before the moment.
But we dwell on such things instead of wondering what is happening at this present moment.
Answering the questions of the past to try and determine our futures.

It is not wrong to think ahead, or learn from the past.
I encourage it daily.
The problem is sometimes we put more stock into who we are…
And forget to see where we’re at.

The person I am now is not the same as the one before.
Maybe I grew up, maybe I went backwards.
All I know is I am here and I am alive.
I am holding onto the hope that was placed upon my heart.

When I think to hard about what my mind used to call home,
I reject all the good that has happened since.
I retreat to a mindset that I have no desire to revisit.
I am not that person anymore and I need to leave the past where it belongs.

When I try to see passed the next five minutes, I start to see what I have not done.
“I have failed.” I say.
“Why am I single, why is no one there by my side?”
But God has a plan, and right now is where He wants me to be at.

I put too much stock into what I have not done.
I put too much stock into who I have been.
I should be happy with the now.
Happy with the man God has currently shaped me to be.

Thoughts brought on by reality.
Togetherness equals strength.
Family is more than an emotional crutch.
And hope is the desire of the past to the present, and to the future of all that I will do.

Today is my Birthday

“You say I’m a loser in the background. I can never seem to get it right, but I’m learning my worth is more than your word.” ~Beartooth

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Today is my birthday and I am a bit different than the others around me.
My mentality is a bit stricken when in the presence of people.
A comfortable state that doesn’t come naturally to me.
Like stumbling over words around those that used to care.

On the outside looking in for most of my days,
But I am okay with it now,
But for a time it was all that I could do not to scream at me being me.
As for the now who knows if I have truly moved on?

Insecure and walking through crowds that decide if I am being social enough.
I never felt like gravitating towards a specific side.
Rather longing for long stretches of imagining just who I am.
And failing enough times to last a couple lifetimes.

Failure is not over, I am sure.
For in life you fail.
How you get back up is what truly defines you.
How you act in the face of success could be a bit more telling.

I just wonder if I will one day find out for myself if that is true.
I’ll take my little victories and insecurities.
My typecast role that I fight against.
Or the face that is beautiful but is so far away, even if it is right next to me.

For the meaning of me is the meaning of hope.
A rise to the bottom wondering if I will ever get to the top.
My soul crying out for water that means more than any human soul.
Let me dry out my hands while reaching out.

Today is my birthday, and what do I have to say?
Should I tell of great accomplishments, or just go on with my day.
Should I tell of my angst that still presides since I was 16?
Today is my birthday, and I think I may be worth more than what my mind tells me.

I am a person that justifies myself by a wandering eye.
A hand that I use to reach high and employ to cry out to the other side.
A hand held out to anyone who needs what I wish to have.
And a person I long to be.

For today is my birthday,
And I guess it is a reflective type of day.
My hope anchored in my heart of hearts.
Knowing I have a long road to go.
Knowing that I have those around that remind me that I am not always alone.

I Tried and I Failed (Participation Trophy)

“I’ll fantasize of being manic and leaving us behind. In your eyes, you were the one that tried. Acceptance is what holds us here. Then you my dear are the one I fear tonight.  We’ll try this one more time.” ~Underoath

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He asks questions he thinks deserves to be answered.
Integrating compassion into entropy.
Taking shots at people who would be better off longing for more.
And lacking the maturity to ask questions that may make a semblance of sense.

She walks through life with a splint in her personality.
Happy and sad inhabit the same space.
Depression is a welcoming change of pace.
And lacking the steam to press on when she has a minuscule amount of joy.

Together they form the modern entitlement.
Equal parts apathy and laziness.
Hoping to be discovered from a singular occurrence.
Stepping to the left because it is easier than stepping to the right.

Or maybe the right seems like an easier choice.
I don’t think it matters to the modern consumer.
Where taking it easy looks like the way I am supposed to be.
Instead of failing and learning and not getting that participation trophy.

Not to diminish hard times and face to face lies.
Not to say we are not all a bit lowly.
But today it is easier to wait than try.
When they tell you that it is okay to be not okay.

When hope is diminished to a flame hidden.
And the lights from peoples eyes die so quickly.
The hopeless have better questions than the believer.
When we fight and die in the name of being tolerant to my fellow man.

Just go out and work hard.
Go out and love your fellow man.
Find out who your are and die fighting for it.
Instead of sitting down waiting to be discovered by lying over indulgent agencies..

I don’t want your participation trophy.
I want to earn my rewards, my accomplishments, my chance to have hope and be free.
I don’t care what you think of me.
I choose to carry on and I strive to love despite all the times I wanted to flee.

At least I tried.
Not for a trophy, or for an award.
But to be a better version of who I once was.
To do better and to do good.
To be someone that I always knew I could.

The Mask Family

“I gave my everything for all the wrong things. In this cold reality I made this selfish war machine.” ~Coheed and Cambria

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She stumbles tonight.
Clinging onto the stench of sidewalk stories and bitter determination.
Travelling a block is too much to ask.
And the regret is already sinking in.

Ms. Blue Mask, you are loved. 

She didn’t mean to do this.
It was never her intention.
But the pain was too much and her head and heart did not connect.
A stone that was turned and then tossed aside for something worse.

You are loved.

His eyes glaze over and the emotion takes him from the inside.
A pent up anger lurching out.
His hand now bloodied, his shirt stained.
Brick one and he is left with zero.

Mr. Red Mask, you are loved. 

His hope was diminished.
It went out the window just like the other.
Regret that he did it first.
Giving into the world that has so many beautiful traps.

You are loved.

The lake sprawled out in front of them.
The waters edge a welcoming distraction from the world.
A slip and a fall.
Accidental of course, but the sign was broken.

Mr. and Ms.Green Masks, you are loved. 

The lake is distant, and the void was never filled.
They reach for a different set of hands.
The numb directing the physical.
Reaching for an answer in a myriad of places.

You are loved.

Limp wrist and a painting that is all his own.
The instrument fallen to the floor after he was satisfied.
Closing his eyes to breathe in the moment.
A scream and a stutter at the door.

Mr. Black Mask, you are loved. 

Awake in his sterile room.
Having discussion  after discussion. 
He asks, “Why, won’t these people ever wear anything other than white?” 
Is his head clear yet?

You are loved.

A plethora of stories.
Failures and understatements litter the air.
All coming together to form a singular truth.
That you are loved, despite…

A mixture of color and depth of view.
Tears that loosen the tongue.
As people fall to their knees to repent and pray.
A performance that even the Oscars can’t deny multiple awards.

But there is love shrouded behind your shadow.
Longing to wrap you up.
Wanting you to let go of pride and self loathing.
For you are loved.
Because this love will never deny.

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A Hopeful Innocence

“I wish the world was flat like the old days, then I could travel just by folding a map. No more airplanes, or speed trains, or freeways. There’d be no distance that could hold us back.”  ~Death Cab for Cutie

 

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When we were young a sunset would be all we needed to be amazed.
The simplicity of the events that unfolded in front of our eyes.
A book being read to us by a parental unit or guardian angel.
An innocence that slowly gets stripped away as we learn what is out there.

I want to keep my innocence,
My alibis that let me glimpse the other side.
I want my eyes to be wide eyed and innocent.
Seeing things as if I was a child, for the very first time.

When we were young everything wasn’t always fine,
But we knew someone would be there to make it better.
A kiss on the knee would make the pain go away.
A blind trust in our nurturer that slowly fades when we realize how this world actually works.

I don’t want to be naive, strung out, stupid, or dumb,
But I want to be innocent set apart, finding joy in the simple things.
Like a smile from a friend when I compliment their hair,
Or a joyful noise celebrating nothing at all but the fact we are in this together.

I want to slowly find my innocence again.
To drive out the cynic and embrace a more rounded view.
One that is not driven by my failures,
But one that revolves around finding the spark that everyone has, but many are hiding.

Laying on my back alone doesn’t have to be sad.
I could look up at the stars and know I am being shined upon.
Even in the loneliness, companionship can be found.
As the stars fall around me and I make a thousand and one wishes for you and for me.

When we were young our motivations were so small.
When we were young our motivations might have actually been bigger than the ones we have today.
When we were young the world seemed so big.
And now as I sit here alone it just feels small.

I want, I want, I want innocence at least one more time.
I wish, I wish, I wish for chances to show that I am not always a cynic.
Hope is the through-line of the stories I tell you.
To have and to hold it can change the world around you.

Grasp onto hope, and let it shine as a beacon into the night.
A lighthouse for my harbor to help you find your way home.
One of these days it will bring somebody in.
For now I have the spark that I have been uncovering slowly, in preparation for the day that it is you and me.

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My Personal Perception Personified By Convictions

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“I was a pharisee. I never saw the need for grace. Then your love came to me, stood next to mine and I saw that I was poor. Show me I was poor, show us we are…glorious. We are glorious not from what good we have done, but from being the least.”  ~As Cities Burn

 

Sunlight hits your cheek, and the glimmer awakens something deep inside of me.
A longing that I never knew existed before.
Well, that is not entirely true.
I have known, and I have seen but I have never believed.

Sunlight graces the edge of a cliff.
The shadow it creates is more beautiful than the light…to me.
It is signifies the stretch of time between then and now.
Before your glimmer equaled more than an anxious feeling.

Take a chance on me and one day God I will fully be more.
Take a chance on me Lord and I will fail you.
Take a chance on me King and I will disappoint.
But if you take a chance on me, I swear I will believe.

Sunlight hits another.
That ends before it even began.
Not a chance to truly develop because I effed that up.
I let the pain of the past come in and take what may.

Sunlight decides to shine on me, and I hate the way it looks me in the eye.
I prefer to be held in a lie.
To take it and nurture it so I can hide from the truth.
The truth that I am worth it, that grace has set me free.

Take a chance on me friend and I will fail you.
Take a chance on me girl and maybe we can help one another.
Take a chance on me good sir and our friendship might blossom into perfect chaos.
But if you take a chance on me know I am all in, and every chance I get I wish to do something for you…not for me.

I sing for my sins.
I sing for my false religion.
I tantalize my being with a song that is not from the One who gave it all.
I am an idolater when I need a bit of a pick me up.

But Jesus I beg of thee…take a chance on me.
Let me be an offering when I run away.
Let my knees buckle when the sunlight reveals the flaws.
Have me weep in an apartment on a Sunday afternoon when it is just you and me.

Sunlight is my enemy, it is my best friend, it is my lover, and my guide.
I run from the sunlight just as much as I run to it.
Comfort from my own understanding, depression caused from my way of thinking.
Sinning and believing, doubting and worshiping.

Baptizing the inter sanctum of my mind’s eye.
A world view taking root before the very nature of life even starts.
I take the wine and the bread to partake in my belief.
And then I look to the ground and try to do it my own way.

Will I ever get a chance to pick a side.
Will the struggle be made plain, so I can actually reach up to Heaven and be wiped clean?
This world is a mine filled travesty, made into a sin woven tapestry.
I do not belong in this place and my body fights that fact every day.

Do you know who I am?!
Do you think I am this mess of a man?
Do you think I have zero intelligence on the subject of my Savior?
Do you know who I am?!

Do I know who I am?!
Do I think I am worth the very air I breathe?
Do I think that there is something better after death?
Do I know who I am?!

I am a man…and this is my personal perception personified by my convictions.
A sin filled life from the start, and a longing to keep on doing it.
When I know that my vices will never let me win.
Yet, I struggle and I call out day after day.
For I am a man, that does not like to go outside when the sun is shining and hoping to play.

I am a man… broken, bitter, loved, saved.
I am just a man…one that has no control, ever since I went down on my knees.
I am not a savior…but I do look to one.
I am a man…flawed, hurt, depressed, anxious.
Yet hope is still there…

The sunlight hits a cheek far away from where I am today.
One day I think I will see.
If I want to be a better me…
I need to answer prayer with prayer and know there is hope that never goes away.

“Burning out my sins until there’s nothing but dust. Holding me with care into your cigarette. Cause the God I believe in never worked on a campaign trail.”    ~Brand New519048855_1280x720

The Good Kind of Greed

“In this life, I’m stubborn to the core. In this life, I’ve been burning after more. We both know what these open arms are for.” ~Switchfoot

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A cheerful expression that answers its own questions.
A simple but diverse point that is being made.
Taking credit for others work,
when all I want to do is hold you close and let the world melt away.

Tell me a story where the point of view is from you.
Talking and making sense.
Breathing and learning.
A dance that circles on itself.

Let live and let die the hope that burns.
For hope is the passion that the heart uses to,
Determine how much I feel like being alive.
Equal parts avarice and self pity.

Tell me the moment when you feel safe.
Unlock the secrets so that I might make you smile.
I hope this finds you well.
I hope this ignites more than emotion.

For emotions do not recite poetry truly.
They are masks placed by your mind over our hearts.
Breathe and let me be an ever guiding lighthouse.
A hold and a touch that tells me that it is okay to be me.