Category Archives: clarity

Religious Experience (Fireworks)

“I’m just a manic depressive. Toting around my own crown. I’ve got a positive message. Sometimes I can’t get it out.”  ~Brand New

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A religious experience through and through.
With the words of Brand New.
Jesse is singing, “I’m just a manic depressive.” 
Is the truth being told while I watch the fire overhead?

Fireworks explode.
The colors are shown.
I see the reds, whites, and blues,
But it is a different country that I pursue.

Is my world a contradiction that I call my own?
Or is it a search for a place that I think is my home?
A religious experience that isn’t necessarily one I knew.
The difference is, it is a mix of fireworks and Brand New.

I am looking for a color that is my own.
A game played between shades that I already know.
Experience dictating the feelings in my blood.
Spewing out like the sparks that start off small and spread out above my head.

These fireworks are memorizing the sky.
Sparking imagination.
Turning my eyes toward places that I never saw before.
While this music is playing in my head.

A gun shot is just as loud.
A boom like the fire against this night sky.
I am having a religious experience.
Even though I don’t have anyone’s hand.

“I’m just a manic depressive.” Those are the lyrics the song says.
The night a distraction, filled with lights, emotion, music, and religion.
So many colors light up the sky tonight.
So many memories colliding together.

When the music takes you and the scenery is beautiful.
It fills you up and takes you under its wing.
With a taste of wine and the breaking of the bread.
It is a religious experience that I just had. 

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Do You Ever Look Back?

Do you ever take a look back.
Back in time to see the ones that loved you,
The ones that wronged you,
Or maybe the ones that should have gotten more attention?

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you went right instead of left,
Took that train instead of taking the other,
Gone back to the girl that smiled when you passed by,
Or jumped up instead of ducking?

I think that we all have times when we reflect a little too much.
Where we don’t hesitate to establish a connection to the past.
Or when we take a deep dive into what if…?
But I think that periodic trips are more useful than dwelling.

For your home is what you have right now.
The hearth is the heart that beats at the present.
It is not the dusty mantle where childhood pictures are toppled,
Or the open door to the portraits made from past regrets.

Do you ever enter into the future to check the past?
What about the present,
Is it too much to ask for a reprieve from where we are now?
Is your home as warm as it was before?

Do you ever take a look back?
Do you take a vacation to better times?
Do you regret the moment you didn’t take your life?
Is it hard to steer away from prior heartbreaks and spilled milk?

Take heart.
You are here right now, alive and beautiful.
Take heart.
Your home can be rebuilt.

Do you ever look back?
I sure do.
I believe that we all sometimes need to.
At least that is the case for me.

Do you ever look back?
Do you look for the now?
Do you look ahead?
Which one looks better to you?

Slow Down and Take a Deep Breath

“Future gardens from all this rain
Future flowers from present pain
We’re bound together and our lives are bound to change
You don’t know how beautiful you are. ”     ~Jon Foreman

Slow Down!

Activating prior knowledge to understand the things running in your head.
Damaging the psyche of your soul,
By displaying negative thoughts throughout your heart.
And despising what is underneath because you feel it is not good enough.

It’s interesting to point out that you make a mistake and then fix it,
But for some reason it just takes you back to a mistake further in your past.
I wish that you can overcome the mistakes that plague you,
To move forward and realize you are worth more than you know.

Take it into account that we are all human and are far from perfect.
We make mistakes and we pass it onto ourselves.
Time and time again we learn to answer questions we already know the answers, too.
But lessons that good, deserve to be learned time and time again.

Slow down and take a breath.
Put into perspective what is happening and what you are worth.
Don’t let your failures persuade you from who you really are.
Slow down and take a breath.
And remember that you have so many around you who care more than you know.

She’s in Love with Chaos

“She was a wreck. but he loved her. She was a wreck, but so was he.” ~Copeland

 

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It looks like a heartache waiting to happen.
When the phone hits the floor and she is left alone.
The other line dead and the voice has stopped.
And the drumming from her head is working harder than her heart.

She’s in love with chaos.
The ups and the downs.
The lefts that are actually rights, her mind begging to be found.
She’s in love with chaos.
The unknown, is the start of her disorganization alone.

Picking up the pieces and moving one.
Going from one phone to another waiting to belong.
Not trying to hard to sing a better song.
All she does is wait for heartache, to become her white and black swan.

She’s in love with chaos.
The deaf tones of awkward lies.
The messed up deliveries of sought after lines.
She’s in love with chaos.
With her mind, taking deep breaths and taking names that she must find.

Sectioned off and in the crowd.
Determined for more than a sour sound.
But not giving it enough effort or follow through.
The choice is hers, even though she’ll never limit herself to a few.

She’s in love with chaos.
The ups and the downs.
The lefts that are actually rights, marked with hearts waiting to be found.
She’s in love with chaos.
Heartbreak brought on, by late night phone calls and luck based falls.

She’s in love with chaos.
And the Lord knows…
That one day maybe her eyes will see the light being shown.
She’s in love with chaos and the rest.
For one moment she breaks and finally passes a test.

Please Listen

“I wanna know what it’s like to be awkward and innocent, not belligerent.”  ~Motion City Soundtrack

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I actually decided to die today.
"Please don't be so dramatic."
"You have so much to live for"
People please, you are so unaware of what I mean. 

A tear down and a build up.
A knowledge that what I was doing is not working anymore.
I decided to die today.
And I believe it will be a very good day.

"Your life is worth it don't do it!" They say.
But I don't think you are listening to what I am saying.
Because I decided to die today.
So let me have this one.

To spell it out for you... I decided to die today.
A death to the life that never treated me well.
One that is changed into a new way of thinking.
Going about temptation with a new form.

Not one full of tunnel vision blockers.
Not one full of disarray. 
But one that justifies and glorifies the hope that's inside.
Because if I don't die today, I will never learn to be alive.
I will never learn how to be okay.

Times of Struggle and Happiness

Philippians 4:6-7 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

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I look to you when I am in the depths.
But for some reason I turn my head when everything is going right.
Why do I deny my precious father when I think I am going so well?
Jesus, I call out to the depths of me.

I call out to thee…

I stretch out my hands in times of need.
But for some reason they are frozen by my side when I believe everything is going right.
Why do I forget to praise you in my time of elation?
Jesus, I call out to the depths of me.

I call out to thee…

Jesus, come and set me free.
Jesus, take this doubt away from me.
In the moments when I feel light headed.
To stretches of happiness.

I call out to thee…

Thank you Lord for understanding.
Because I don’t always understand you.
You are a mystery that decided to love me.
Jesus, come and be my strength.
I call out to thee…

Take it Real Slow (Blurry Vision)

“And when you lie your lips curl like a wave of separation, and when you laugh you know you give it away.” ~Fair

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He knows but no one is telling him.
Blinded by the answer that is right in front of his face.
The dark that surrounds his eyes is not the last thing he will remember.
He just wishes someone would come out and say it.

Take it real slow and let it all go.
Be encouraged by the winds’ song as it blows away disbelief.
When the day makes it even harder to see,
Sing out into the dark and tell it to shut up.

For this blurry vision isn’t for you.
He knows, but she won’t tell a soul.
Trying to play nice and wanting to only know the truth.
With problems spanning loneliness and overcrowded populations.

His world is a dichotomy of ups and downs that never seem to stop. 
Take it real slow and don’t forget to be you.
Be encouraged that you’re breathing air tonight.
When the day makes it harder to see,

Shout into the dark and tell it you are strong.
For this blurry vision isn’t for you.
A thin wall is the only thing blocking awkward situations.
Hearing the voices on the other side. 

All he wants is to know the truth.
Is that too much to ask?
If you do find out will it make you feel better?
It is very possible.

If you do find out what will your next move be?
Take it real slow and remember you are not alone.
Be encouraged by the love that is all around.
When the day makes it harder to see,

Cry out to the dark and tell it there is a light on the other side.
For this blurry vision is not meant for you. 
If you do find out the end will not come.
For your dreams spark a time meant for somebody to be by your side.

If you do find out, what will your next move be? 
Captivate your reality into clarity.
Don’t let the eyes of your heart be fuzzy.
He knows but no one is telling him.

Blinded by the answer that is right in front of his face.
The dark that surrounds his eyes is not the last thing he will remember.
He just wishes to know, so he can then go out of his way to repent and surrender. 
Instead of sitting there wondering if it is going to get better. 

“Consequence, it’s our need in times like these. Feeling free…it’s our modern disease. You’re a classic disaster, with a knack for losing your exterior. I’m so sick…from staring at the mirror. This is my panic…this is my call to arms.” ~Underoath