“This long struggle finally opened up my eyes. Revolutions not easy with a Civil War on the inside. No need to hide anymore, can’t return to who I was before. I can finally breathe suddenly alive. I can finally move cause I realized…The world feels revived.” ~Anberlin
Horrid visions enter into the subconscious mind.
A man who has it all and doesn’t know what to do with it.
A man who decided this world was not worth it.
But he went about it the wrong way.
The mind plays tricks when you rely on what it tells you.
And if you rely solely on the heart it makes your feelings seem that they are the be all.
Vivid dreaming whether or not you go with the head or the heart.
Anger that comes along with the waking morning sun streaming through the window.
I’ve been angry for all the wrong reasons.
When she smiles and offers up an olive branch I get mad and decide to stay away.
Then the dream comes and the fix is nowhere to be seen in this scenario.
The more I sleep the more I can delve into the mind.
While I am awake I see the heart for what it is.
I am not sure what I prefer.
All I know is I wish and pray for this anger to go the way of the sea.
Hello, good friend are you ready to talk?
Hello, good friend are you my enemy now?
Goodbye, best friend I guess you had nothing to say.
Hello, new friend would you like to start again?
The sand of an hourglass does not go on forever.
It must be turned and then the flow of time begins anew.
Whether that sand is purple or blue, I need to turn it before my time runs out.
I must turn it before the alarm goes off in my head and it is time for bed.
So much is passing through my fingers.
And when I do grasp onto something I am not sure what to do with it.
Like a dog chasing his tail my goal sometimes seems pointless.
But other times it is clear, and that usually happens when I look to Him.
Indignation towards my place in life, and not giving credit where credit is due.
Thinking with my feelings and feeling with my mind.
A messed up distortion that craves this pique to survive.
Hands that grip so tight that it forgets to open back up when the time is right.
Hello? God… are you there?
Hello? Love…did you disappear?
Where did you go? Or better yet why do I run when I find you?
Hello? Insecurity…did you…oh, wait you never leave.
Boiling and spilling over.
Dreaming dreams meant for someone else.
Holding onto a feeling that could go to the sea if I had time to breathe.
But six days a week doesn’t let you come up for air long enough to breathe in deep.
The lack of oxygen causes these horrid dreams,
Of a man who has it all yet still doesn’t believe he has a soul.
Wishing to fight an angel, but finding the devil instead.
The man who decided long ago that he is not meant for this world.
Falling down and reaching up at the same time.
Looking for hope in all the wrong places and finding it in the right ones.
A lifelong effort to seek the truth…and looking for more than a feeling of good fortune.
God are you there? Oh, Hello there you are. Please, I beg of thee…please stay near.