“The power of youth is on my mind. Sunsets, small town, I’m out of time.
Will you still love me when I shine, from words but not from beauty?”
~Lana Del Rey
~Scheduling My Trip to Mars~
I plan to schedule conflict.
To go to my calendar and find out when I will fight with you.
Three days from today I will fight.
I will fight about how I am worth more than me.
I plan to mark down another day to fall apart.
A day where I fall to my knees.
Seven days from today I will break.
I will break to show how I need to die before I can grow.
This life is a series of events strung together by multicolored threads.
Woven strands making a tapestry of grace filled holes.
An imperfect form and delivery.
A colorful representation of the pain and beauty of this world.
September second seems like a good day to smile.
It does not look to interfere with any other activities this year.
I wonder if the smile should come with a laugh?
Or should it happen and then pass, to move onto sadder things?
The landscape escapes the mere mention of my name.
The grass grows and turns from green to brown.
The rolling hills move horizontally in a world that wants to sink.
Digging craters to make it to Mars seems okay to me.
A flower is near these hands.
With the dirt caking my fingers as I dig.
Staring at its hues I smash it into the ground and tell it to grow again.
To dig is to reach a destination that may not be scheduled.
I plan to put down a day to open my mouth in a musical fashion.
A day to express with more than written word.
Ten years from now seems to be a good day to sing.
I mark down the day, but deciding if the song is happy or sad is another few days away.
Deciding to sing is harder than deciding to dig.
For Mars is closer than Home.
For Home is farther and further and all the in between.
Deciding to dig is a lot easier to do than to engage in a meaningful way.
When I arrive on Mars I will take a rocket to the moon.
For Mars has the means to build imagination days.
And when I reach the moon I will look to the Earth,
And realize I smiled a day early.
A day early or a day too late.
A time to throw away the schedule and go with what is today.
To engage in the color and accept the holes.
To forgive this world of its imperfection and learn to live with what I have been given.