It Hurts When Things Go Right

“I threw everything out that doesn’t make sense, to find a thousand more things that don’t make sense and I can’t help but get lost in a fault like this. When I don’t know how to hide myself in open air. Where I’m all alone.”

 ~Copeland

I fall and I sin.  

I go down flat on my face.  

I kill God everyday! 

Yet, He loves me anyway. 

I see the world in shades of gray.  

When black and white fail me. 

Just a bit further.  

Just a little bit of sin.

An inch by inch life.

A second by second kind of day. 

A realization that causes me to sway.

When I realize nothing I do is right today.

  

What is good and can I achieve it? 

Can I get past my entitlement to see grace? 

Is this life worth my presence? 

When I wake up and have already failed. 

I choose my fate everyday. 

When I fall on my knees and pray. 

I choose to die with honor. 

Instead of dead in the water.

You see that lake? 

On the other side is a house built out of lies. 

This house is my house. 

I spend most of my time hoping I built the foundation out of rock. 

One card at a time my house goes up. 

One black card after another building my life. 

The red cards lying by my side asking to be used. 

And me too scared to live my life without a lie.

The wind begins to blow and my cards tumble. 

They fell so fast but the foundation I saw was true. 

I look at the red cards. 

And I begin building with the truth.

The house is now built out of red and some black. 

For I am not perfect and I sometimes neglect. 

I neglect the truth but expect nothing more than love 

And and a hope of a wish to give to Him to break my foolish hands.

I am a man that needs to be me. 

I need to be loved. 

I need to be free. 

I am a man that always falls to his knees.

I have pain like any other. 

Bad things happen.

But entitlement is not what keeps me going. 

What keeps me going is the hope that one day the pain will go away.  

~Namaste~